We need to preface this week's situation with a bit of explanation:
John Hodgman is a writer and performer best known for portraying the PC in those ubiquitous Mac ads, for filling in as the 'resident expert' on The Daily Show, and for writing two books.
Michael Bay is, of course, the director of action movies like Transformers and Armageddon. I assume that this ad and this twitter account reflect his personality with perfect accuracy.
And THAT'S how you write a witty article for McSweeney's. BOOM.
Y ése es cómo usted escribe un artículo ingenioso para McSweeney's. AUGE.
Not so fast, noted director Michael Bay. They'll have to get past my army of hobos first.
No tan rápidamente, director conocido Michael Bay. Tendrán que conseguir más allá de mi ejército de vagabundos primero.
Quick, J-Dog! To the BayBlimp!
¡Aprisa, J-Perro! ¡Al dirigible de Bay!
Filming on Pearl Harbor 2: The Second Bombening will have to wait, noted director Michael Bay. There's a crime to solve!
La rodando del Pearl Harbor 2: El Bombardereo Segundo tendrá que esperar, director conocida Michael Bay. ¡Hay un crimen a solucionar!
See, Hodgepodge? *That's* how he killed Mr. St. John even though the sitting room was locked up tighter than an MGM contract. TRUTH BOOM.
¿Vea, Mezcle? *Ése* es cómo él mató a Sr. San Juan aunque el salón fue trabado encima de más apretado que un contrato de MGM. AUGE DE LA VERDAD.
The problem, noted director Michael Bay, is that the mine's entrance is blocked. Nothing short of an explosion would clear it, and -- Michael Bay? Where did you go?
El problema, director conocida Michael Bay, es que la entrada de la mina está bloqueada. Nada de una explosión la despejaría brevemente, y -- Michael Bay? ¿Adónde usted fue?
You don't need to thank us, ma'am. Just building a massive statue of me out of high-tech lava-metal and renaming the city to Michael-Bay-Is-Awesome-ville will be enough. MODESTY BOOM.
Usted no necesita agradecernos, señora. Apenas construyendo una estatua masiva de mí fuera del lava-metal de alta tecnología y retitulando la ciudad al San Michael-Bay-Es-Sobrecogedor será bastante. AUGE DE LA MODESTIA.
Step aside, noted director Michael Bay. There are some jobs only a minor television celebrity can do.
Paso a un lado, director conocida Michael Bay. Hay algunos trabajos solamente que una celebridad de menor importancia de la televisión puede hacer.
_________________
Note: As always, the translations are pretty much just babelfish output; corrections are, of course, welcome.
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